The Pigeons Are Turning Against Us, Just Like Hitchcock Predicted
A warning to the people of New York: THE PIGEONS ARE OUT TO GET US. I mean, like, they have a target, it is the humans, they are out for blood.
Board up your windows already, you guys!
We all knew this was coming because Hitchcock pretty much told us so and he is rarely wrong about these things. You guys, it is coming.
A couple days ago I left my house to go to work. Just as I took my first innocent steps outside into the warm sun A PIGEON DIVE-BOMBED MY HEAD and HIT ME WITH IT’S MASSIVE WING on the way to the ground. A pigeon punched me in the head, you guys!!
But that is not all. This morning a pigeon flew into my friend Erin’s house. “So what”, you say. “Pigeons fly in through windows all the time”, you say. Stop being so skeptical and OPEN YOUR EYES! This pigeon not only flew through the window but also THROUGH THE METAL BARS that are supposed to keep children and cats from falling out of your windows!!! That takes effort! Then it flew around the house knocking over picture frames and SHITTING ON THE WALLS! No joke. She has to wash her walls now.
If that is not enough evidence for you that we are all being systematically attacked by the pigeons, then you are doomed and probably on their side and there is nothing I can do for you.
They R out 2 get UR Children!!
Grab your duct-tape and butterfly nets or whatever and start fighting the war, because the pigeons started without telling us and they are winning.
God speed.
June 16, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Today I was minding my own business walking along happily when a pigeon dived at my head, hitting me in the side of the head with it’s beak, then seeing that it hadn’t made me fall to the ground by doing that, it then flapped it’s wing over my whole face. i was in shock! it really hurt.