Inauguration

New President and back in Brooklyn un-trampled! Yay America!

I’m waving at you.

Obvs.

“Bored, anonymous, pathetic bloggers who lie annoy me.” - Sarah Palin

Mark Gormley: An Intense Singer

This guy knows how to music video.

Because You Can Never Have Too Many Blogs

Well, folks I seem to have started a tumblr! It’s called yes shark. Everybody’s doing it and I am one of everybody so it only seemed logical. I think I’m doing it wrong though, because I’m pretty sure tumblrs are meant to be vaguely ADD blogging — pictures and sentence-long posts for when you don’t want to twitter that thought, but you still want it out there — and I am using it for exactly the opposite! It’s a bit more writing and bit less pictures of cats licking snow cones (those will probably find their way in, however).

Don’t worry (because I know what a great concern this is for you), this site will continue to flourish with Lil Wayne musings and old training videos!

Anywhoo!! If you feel inclined, come on over! It’s nice and toasty and maybe there’ll be hot cocoa (but probably you’ll have to make your own).

yes shark!

When I Find My 3rd Grade Class’s Book of Poetry, Everybody Wins

It’s the holidays which, for me, means spending some time in the house I grew up in. Then I get bored and go through the piles of crap on my bookshelf that should have been thrown out years ago. But then thank god I didn’t throw it out because BLOGS!

In all this crap I founds some slightly more interesting crap in the form of a book of poetry written by my 3rd grade class in the good old days of 1991 and IT IS BEAUTIFUL! No names because I wouldn’t want to embarrass anyone I went to 3rd grade with who MIGHT BE READING THIS BLOG and I haven’t asked them if I could post it on THE INTERNET because I don’t know where most of them are and also that would be a lot of work for me, but GOOD HOT DAMN they should want the credit because these poems could have been written by Rumi.

It appears that we were given topics such as “yourself”, “happiness”, “craziness”, etc and then told to describe that thing in verse. Below are a couple of my favorites along with a few choice excerpts. Enjoy!

CRAZINESS

Craziness feels wild.

Craziness is hot pink.

Craziness tastes crazy.

Craziness smiles cool.

Craziness sounds like rock ‘n roll!!!!!!!!

Craziness looks like madness.

Craziness is something wild.

When I get crazy I jump on the couch,

Then I climb up the wall,

Then I climb down the wall,

Then I jump on the couch,

And I do a flip!!!

That boy turns into SPIDERMAN when he feels crazy!!!!! I wish I had known that at the time.

The following poem is the only poem in the book that breaks the “happiness”, “myself”, crazyiness” theme and DARES TO TACKLE THE DIFFICULT SUBJECTS. Cakes.

CAKES

Cake smells like toothpaste.

Cake feels smooshy.

Cake tastes creamy.

Cake falling sounds like a bicycle when it has a flat tire.

Splat!

Cake smells like toothpaste? I don’t think this child has ever had cake. Poor child. OR he brushes his teeth with frosting!!! In which case, LUCKY BASTARD.

Here is one of my favorite excerpts from the end of a self-reflective poem from a boy who (a) truly understands the use of a good adjective and (b) learned to talk by watching Bill and Ted movies on a loop:

I hate those bogus, heinous Milly-Vanilly dudes.

One bogus thing is we live in an u/p apartment.

One rad thing is that I can draw awesomely.

And finally, one of the best metaphors I’ve ever read in my long and storied history of reading metaphors. From a poem entitled “Anger”:

Anger is a tractor building trees.

Wow, you guys. When I’m a professor of poetry, this will be my first class. You just earned 4 credits towards your degree. You’re wecome, you guys.

Anderson Cooper Was A Teenager Once And Christmas Comes A Little Early This Year

There is not one person who will not super appreciate this post. Some very, very thoughtful person out there DUG UP ANDERSON COOPER’S YEARBOOK, YOU GUYS!!

“Mary had a little lamb, the doctor fainted.” – Anonymous

That’s his yearbook quote. For realzies, guys. Awesome. You’re welcome. Please don’t ever, ever dig up my yearbook, please.

Sometimes You Just Need To Listen To Some Rockabilly About Serial Killers

You know?

How I’ma Have a BUG In My Crib??!

Fantastic.

Mr. Chi-City, I completely agree.

Excuse me, I need to go get me a crutch and a Mr. Magic Wipe.

“The Wizard Of Oz” The Way It Was Meant To Be

Popsicle Day: The Perfect Holiday Gift is Prettier Ears and Warmer Hands

You guys! Did you know that I don’t just post awesome videos and snarky dissections of Robert Redford’s literary works (his fans hate me), but sometimes I also make things WITH MY HANDS?! It’s true! Things that I wear, like jewelry and mittens and guess what? I’m selling them now, so YOU CAN TOO! (Wear them, I mean. Not sell them or make things with my hands.)

It’s called Popsicle Day.

popsicleday.etsy.com

(it’s OK to bookmark it, don’t be shy)

Popsicle Day was just launched this very second, so you guys are getting a first peak of things to come. But don’t worry, I know you can’t get enough of buying one-of-a-kind and custom jewelry and mittens by Brooklyn-based blogger/designers off of websites (I know how you are) so there will be SO MUCH MORE SOON!

I would love it if you would come take a look and check back often to see how much it’s grown (webstores grow up so fast).

–END SELF-PROMOTION–